Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
