Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
