accomplished twins. life is a go
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
