had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just want to make out with him forever
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
