i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
