I wish I could punch you in the face.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
