Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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