Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
