ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
