We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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