So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize