Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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