I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
