It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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