So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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