i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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