I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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