I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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