I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
