I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My dick has a subreddit
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
