Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
