i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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