I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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