i wish my penis had a tongue
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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