Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
