I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
