She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
