she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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