I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
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Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
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I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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