foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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