No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
