You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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