I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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