I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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