they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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