she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
