I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize