You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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