it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
