So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
