She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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