U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
