white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
