my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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