I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
