You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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