At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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