you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
