And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
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Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm having to shit out rocks
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