thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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