i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
