if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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