I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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