I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
