She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
