I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
