so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
