He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize