i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
