After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
