I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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