Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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