when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
