I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
