last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
