He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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