The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
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Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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