I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
my liver is dry heaving
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
